After a very long thought between me, my brain and my heart, i finally could not resist hiding any more of what i am supposed to write in this page. Not sure if it was lack of confidence, self restrain, cautious or just afraid to see my own reality written in public.

i woke up this morning so frustrated for not being able to start writing and kept asking myself why i can't write? why am i not supposed to say the truth? is it that hard for a person to say about the real him? But, then i realised that, i have grown up in a society where i am not allowed to say what is not supposed to be heard. Since childhood, i used to always say yes to everything even if it was a big NO. The word which consists of two alphabets is never accepted in our society, especially saying it to an older person even if he or she was one month older. I am sure it's not only me who have grown up is such a society but i can not accept it any more and it hurts me whenever i remember there are thousands of people have the same feeling like me, but no one says it. We always show that we are happy when we are deeply depressed and hurt. We always have to smile when we are told that we have to smile. The only time we could cry, is at bed time when we are alone and no one see us, when we cry with ourselves leaning, complaining and moaning to the wall and no one else hears us.

Is that why we are born on this earth?

So many thoughts came to my mind for the past year and now reading lots of books opened my thoughts. I have answers for most of the questions which i was afraid to ask because i was not supposed to. We are not supposed to ask extraordinary questions. We always had writen answers for everything without discussing why and how.

Since i was a child, i used to ask myself many questions and try to find answers, but i ended up being so scarred when it comes to bed time remembering that someone is going to punish me for even the thought of doubting about any simple thing. I used to sleep in fear and wake up in more fear asking what punishment will i get today. Never thought of what reward am i going to get or what appraisal do i deserve on this day.